🛎Ding Dong🛎

This is already the fifth week of Year 1. I still cannot believe that I have already study for 5 weeks because I felt that I learned nothing. Life from our PFP relaxing year to a hectic Year 1 isn't easy. Now I really feel the difference of the stress level, as we did not have GPA when we were in PFP. Now GPA is now the thing that will affect my life greatly. But I guess I really have to wake myself up from where ever I am and start working.

Life has been pretty stressful for me because I have not been ale to get proper rest. As I have to work my freelance job and also study at the same time. Yes, you might be wondering why am I making myself suffer. I guess I just want to earn money as I have been spending a lot which I feel guilty. Also, I just want to keep myself busy? / just want to spend my time more meaningfully? 

This few week was actually the first time I felt the stress and I really thought of how to kill myself. I was just very negative? When my friends ask if I am okay, I could only say I am okay. Even if I say I am not, I couldn't explain what was wrong other than getting stress, which they are having too, and also some more stress than I have. I feel so bad for being like a box that doesn't open up for them to see what is inside. I guess even if they are open the box, they would be shocked by the content inside.

Mid-Semester test is coming in two weeks and I am definitely not prepared, both mentally and physically. But what to do? I just have to study...

Sorry if my blog has been so sadd :(( cause life isn't as good as we always thought.